April 28, 2009. Special to the Dresden Mills Gazette. By Wesli Court, Health Editor. A medical emergency has been called by the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta regarding the current threatened swine flu epidemic. The Senate today confirmed Kathleen Sebelius, Governor of Kansas for the past six years, as Secretary of Health and Human Services, just in time for her to attend to the stymie over the swine influenza strain that is emerging from Mexican piggeries.
Senator Mark Warner, Democrat of Virginia, said the threat of a flu pandemic made it urgent for the Senate to confirm Ms. Sebelius, “so President Obama has in place a strong secretary of health.”
But no one foresaw the latest twist in the current knotty health problem, for apparently the virus has mutated among a particular group of scientists. Physicists are being tied up by what experts are now calling the “twine flu,” in particular those who believe in string theory.
“There is a cord among scientists that this new problem must be solved before the illness can taper off,” an unnamed source located high in the A.M.A. told this reporter. “Right now,” she continued, “it’s hanging fire.”
A sure symptom of the disease, according to sources, is that a sore throat turns the victim into a sneezer or, among sailors, a hawser or a painter, in a chain of events that can cost a bundle. “All you can do is truss your doctor,” is the common consensus. “And remember that sailors at sea believe that an ampoule a day keeps the doctor aweigh.”
Finally, all you can do is take precautions, and the number one precept ought to be, “DON’T KISS A PIG! Wear a mask to remind you not to splice up your life.”
I sow right through that — it was just you wanting to hog all the attention ... you big boar. But thanks for the update - the shoat must go on.
Oink, oink, Ann! Great comment!
Sorry, but I think the gossips are stringing you along. What can you do? Give 'em enough rope — you know the rest. Don't get entwined in all the mumbo-gumbo — it IS a knotty problem, with a new twist — but it can be unravelled with patience. All I'm twine to say is, don't lose the thread. If you do, you'll end up back at the Minotaur's pad, and that'll amaze you. I guarantee.
p.s. I talked to Larry at the hardware store about your bulletin, and he hadn't heard the noose. He hasn't anything in stock to help you, says riata carry some hawsers, but don't have any in stock. He promised to ask the lasso-ver at the counter, who does the ordering. "'Frayed it all depends on memory," he braid.
You can tell Larry that no noose is good noose. Tell him too that he should slip knot into temptation.
I guess you're just bound to pun, to string us along by means of wordplay, to link your meanings on a verbal tether, betide what may!
But have you heard of the latest observed symptom of the current disease? A pig in a border town in New Mexico has sprouted wings! Yes, in plain sight of all, the SWINE FLEW!
Not only that, Rhina,
But one variety has crossed with bird flu and produced a terrifying strain: one flu over the cuckoo’s nest.
By the way, did you notice that your email letter is infected with rime?
“I guess you're just bound to pun,
to string us along by means of wordplay,
to link your meanings on a verbal tether,
betide what may!”
I’d suggest that you go to an animal doctor for a cure, but you are an inveterate rhymester!