14 January 2011. Special to the Dresden Mills Gazette. By Wesli Court, Special Correspondent. Paul Le Page, recently elected the first Republican Governor of Maine in many years, today told the N.A.A.C.P. to, and we quote, “Kiss my butt.” When asked if he didn’t think that was an asinine remark for a chief executive to make, Le Page replied with a question.
“Asinine? What’s that supposed to mean? Are you making fun of me?”
This correspondent immediately backed down. “Governor, I don’t know squat,” I said. All I’m asking is whether you stand by your statement after having turned it over for a while.
“Of course I stand by it,” the Governor said. “I don’t turn over for anybody.”
“Some Democrats have said that it doesn’t appear that your butt is all it’s cracked up to be.”
“Name the s.o.b.,” Le Page growled. “I’ll take care of him.”
“Others have suggested that you take a poll and analyze it.”
“Take a poll and what? How did you pronounce that word?”
“The N.A.A.C.P. says that you are the only person injecting race into the discussion. All they did was invite you to a breakfast and a dinner, and you told them to kiss your butt. Do you stand by that remark?”
“You bet! No iffs, annds, or butts about it.”
“Will you do as the Bible says and turn the other cheek?”
“Sure, if it would make it easier for them to kiss it.
“How long do you expect to remain Governor?
“Long enough for you to kiss it too, buddy.”
“Are you going to sell “Kiss My Butt” bumper stickers at your Marden’s stores?
“Hey, what a great idea! Thanks, buddy. It’ll be a big seller. It’ll fit right in with the rest of my stock.”
“Will I be getting a commission for your using my idea?”
“Yeah, right. Soon as I fall on my belly and kiss your shoes.”
“You mean you’re going to prostrate yourself at my feet?”
“Hell, no. There’s not a prostrate gland in my body.”
I agreed, but I didn’t say so. I had better scents, so I decided to butt out and file my story.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR OF THE DRESDEN MILLS GAZETTE
OMG! This is so funny I am laughing hysterically and it's only 5 a.m.! LOL.....thanx for sharing! Be well, stay warm and don't shovel too hard!
Your new governor is doing his best, I see, to continue the tradition of Maine politicians and their absurdities. It's almost too bad that his predecessors already sold off all the state's assets because it might have been amusing to see how old Kiss-My-Butt would have done it.
Meanwhile, I liked your poems in Flea, verses in the best tradition of Wyatt and Surrey, Donne and Raleigh. Huzzahs.
Pax et Poesis,
But Paul Le Page is not my governor as I continue to be only a part-time resident of Maine, although I spend more time here than I used to when I taught at SUNY Oswego. My governor is thus Andrew Cuomo, thank Karma.
Gadzooks, with all the "conversation" and all your blogging, where/when do you find the time to do any reading?
As to governors, Andrew Cuomo is probably the head of the class. And his old man wasn't too shabby either, as I recall.
Pax et Poesis,
Shall we suggest to him “HE might be a smart ASS?” We could contribute to his vocabulary/communication…perhaps “tush,” “bottom, buttocks,” etc. Clarification: the “tush,” etc., is referring to the Gov’s attitude…this is our governor?