After I got out of the service in June 1956 I attended college beginning in the fall. From that point on I spent forty years in the world of Academe as both student and teacher. One of the worst parts of teaching was the meetings one had to attend. At a certain point in my career as a professor my English department was passing around the duty of taking notes at meetings. When it was my turn, in order to get through the ordeal with a minimum of frustration and annoyance I wrote,
THE DEPARTMENT MINUTES BLUES
The Chairman called the assembled folk to order.
He rapped and called the faculty to order
At 4:19 with a poet as recorder.
Moved and seconded minutes be accepted
For the last meeting; nothing was excepted.
So they were, and the agenda was adopted.
The committee chairs rose to give reports:
None from Composition...no reports
From the Comp. Committee, and no retorts.
Curriculum rose to say that they'd been moved --
Professor M. said Curriculum had been moved
By the Chair's "Priorities," which they approved.
Professor A. said Merit and Promotion
Had published its report and had no motion
To propose just now, nor other notion.
Retention and Recruitment had one, however.
If it were passed, the Committee would endeavor
To stop automatic serial appointments forever.
The motion was debated and the debate was fast;
Words pro and con were exchanged thick and fast,
And then by a vote of 13-7 it passed.
Professor O continued: the Committee had voted
(On B's rejecting our offer, be it noted),
That Z be proffered the Shakespeare slot we'd quoted
In national ads. Professor L. reported
On what President W. had reported
About the Restoration of Funds and assorted
News from Fac. Assem., including a plea
-- A heartfelt request and a soulful plea
That the faculty at large volunteer and agree
To be evaluated by students who wished
Then to have the results of the poll published
So other students could select the classes they wished
With some degree of awareness.
On to business
Held over and over -- on to Old Business,
A subject that has been the cause of dizziness
In some faculty for at least four sessions,
If not for years and years of fruitless sessions:
The nine-hour load. We have not learned our lessons,
Professor K suggested, but the solution
Or, if not the whole, then a partial solution,
Was in hand. He moved this resolution:
"Be it resolved that we of the English faculty declare that teaching three three-hour classes, one of which (not a composition or a writing arts class) has an upper limit of 50 students, is an optional normal, or regular, teaching assignment."
The debate was hot and heavy, heavy and hot,
The afternoon was cool, but the debate was hot.
Professor T. blew up -- when does he not?
The debate went on and on, but ended at last;
The clock ticked on relentlessly, and then at last
A vote was taken; the resolution passed.
When the dust had settled, there were eleven --
Not twelve Apostles, but a mere Eleven
In favor, while against there stood the Seven.
The Graduate Committee proposed a plan
To revive the M. A. Program, a solid plan
To bring it back to life. Debate began,
But time ran out with Professor M. hacking it
To little pieces...while he was hacking it
To shreds at length instead of backing it.
And so there was a motion to adjourn.
It passed, and the Department did adjourn,
But no doubt this sore subject will return.
A friend who recently read the poem wrote me, “Ah, this is so funny. And we could read it across the country (with few changes) and each department would see itself."
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