RELIGIONS OF THE WORLD
An Antapostolic Survey by Wesli Court
The Pantheists think there’s a faun
Or a nymph for each blade on the lawn.
The rocks are alive!
And each one must strive
To be home and in bed before dawn.
The Hindus have multiple deities
Plus multiple castes and impieties.
They never eat meat,
For their cows are so sweet
That they leave them out of their dieties.
The Path to Nirvana now has to be
Simpler for Buddhists than it should be,
For those who believe
Can simply achieve
Oneness with a lobotomy.
The Jainists reject the Creator,
Avow the Enjoyed and Enjoyer.
Although there’s a void,
One won’t be destroyed
If only one’s not a Destroyer.
The Jews are devotees of El,
The One God who puts them through Hell,
So they said to the Arabs,
“You can round up your scarabs
And evacuate Israel.”
The Christians believe in a Ghost
That’s holy, a Father engrossed
With a woman who’s wed
But still Virgin in bed,
And a dead Son Whose flesh is their Host.
A Muslim who’s martyred will spasm
A millennium in an orgasm
That he shares among virgins
Who enjoy such perversions
With clitorisless enthusiasm.
The Mormons don’t find it ironic
That the figure they view as iconic,
The angel Moroni,
Must be simply baloney
Or they’d call their religion “Moronic.”
Ron Hubbard was aware that theology
Is stories; so, minus apology,
He created religion
From his science fiction
And labeled his church “Scientology.”
The Quakers are always quite quiet;
They never speak loudly, but sigh it,
Then when one tunes his ears
To something he hears,
He bears witness and hopes others buy it.
The Christian Scientists monitor
Their illnesses with a manna—tour
Of fasting and prayer,
And then they get gayer
When they think they’ve defeated the Minotaur.
The Shakers came up with a plan:
They’d be chaste to a woman and man,
For while they were waiting
There’d be no generating —
They became God’s diminishing clan.
From The Book of Forms: A Handbook of Poetics, Including Odd and Invented Forms, Revised and Expanded Edition by Lewis Putnam Turco, Hanover, NH: University Press of New England (www.UPNE.com) , 2012 • 384 pp. 3 illus. 5 x 7 1/2" Reference & Bibliography / Poetry 978-1-61168-035-5, paperback. Available from all booksellers.