Miss Pussy's Parlor Songs, Part Fourteen

 

 

DONNY IN FIRST GRADE

 

I have a big eraser

In my puffy little hand,

I wish it was a phaser --

I think that would be grand!

 

I'd stand beside a blackboard

With her talky chalky writing,

And I would show my teacher

How, instead of fighting

 

With my meanie classmates,

I'd totally destroy them

With death-rays from my ray gun --

And then I'd chew some boy gum

 

And stick it on the chair-seat

Belonging to my teacher

So she would add it to her skirt

As a stylish teacher feature!

 

 

LOAFING

 

You Puerto Ricans who aren't dead, 

Here's a loaf or two of bread...,

Catch!

 

 

A CORKER

 

My pal's Bob Corker,

He's no New Yorker,

He beats up Donald Trump

And won't crack a smile.

He strips the White House bare,

Says it's "adult day care,"

He thinks The Donald's Forrest Gump.

 

 

IN RE PENCE

 

Let me say a word re Pence:

Perhaps he is a little dense,

But he won't straddle any fence.

When Donald Trump says, "Get thee hence --

If any of those linemen kneel,

Show everybody how you feel

About Our Flag. Make a big deal

And just walk out! We can repeal 

The First Amendment if we make

A monstrous fuss -- a piece of cake!

Tell NFL, 'Jump in the lake,

The news we're making isn't fake...,'

Well, not so much, in any case,

It's all about True Blue, not race

Or tossing goodies to our base

And putting liberals in their place.

Go forth, then, Michael! Common sense

Be damned! Our troops must be intense!

No Hero of the Folk repents!"

Saith Donald Trumpkin in re Pence.

 

 

IQ

 

You say that I’m a moron

And that I have no IQ?

OK, you’re in my cabinet,

But I no longer like you.

 

You may as well go home,

You’re dead at any rate,

I will not listen to you —

Screw the affairs of State.

 

 

THE LIARS CLUB

 

“‘I’m sorry that your husband’s dead,

But he knew what he signed up for.’

That’s what Trump told me,” the widow said.

“Fake news!” He hollered with a roar.

“She’s a liar! They all are!

All those people in that car!”

 

 

NEWS IN GENERAL

 

I am the very model of a modern four-star General,

Except that now I work for Trump I can say things political.

In my opinion Trump can spout things absolutely cynical

To widows of the Fallen -- he can even be quite whimsical

Because he has a sense of humor I would say is typical

Of one who has no common sense but loves to wax, well, critical

In circumstances other folk might understand were pitiful

And didn't call for filling up the Internet with phony news

Or tweets and comments caused by drinking vats and bathtubs full of booze.

 

My name is John F. Kelly, you don't tell four stars what they can do!

I'm Chief-of-Staff to Donald Trump, I'm second to a cockatoo --

I stand up on this dung heap to defend the Flag, Red, White and Blue!

I never sweat, disdain to pee, nor do I ever caca too,

But I stand here defending Trump and crying, "Cock-a-doodle-doo!"

 

From MISS PUSSY'S PARLOR SONGS by Claudette McFang