Miss Pussy's Parlor Songs, Part Seventeen

 

 

THE GREATEST

 

I lead the world’s most greatest nation,

And I have signed more legislation

Than any President before me

Because not signing bills would bore me,

That’s why my friends are all dumb clucks

And dorks, and I own herds of ducks —

I sign the bills of any birds

That Congress brings me from my herds.

 

 

WORRY WART

 

My list of worries never fades:

I fret about the chambermaids

In my hotels in the Everglades --

All Haitian immigrants have AIDS.

 

ISIS-fostered domestic raids

Worry me, the guy who wades

The Rio Grande and invades --

All Haitian immigrants have AIDS.

 

Those citizens sporting darker shades

Of skin, one who invades 

From Elsewhere, can’t get passing grades --

All Haitian immigrants have AIDS.

 

The foreign trader who wants fair trades,

Disloyal Oval Office aides --

I wish they all would go to Hades

Like Haitian immigrants with AIDS.

 

 

DIALOG

 

"Trump the chump, Trump the chump --

He has committed treason."

 

"Manafort, Manafort

Has lost his job and reason!"

 

"Trump has met with Russian spies!

We should lance his boil!"

 

"Manafort's the pig that flies --

Man, is he disloyal!"

 

"Chain Trump up, lock him down,

Throw away the key!"

 

"Manafort's an evil clown,

He doesn't worry me."

 

 

TRUMPET CALL

 

I had a situation where I didn’t learn English,

But I had a remuneration where I was very smart,

So I became a genius as soon as I was born,

And then I taught my self how to fart.

 

There was a class that I had to read a page,

So that was way beneath my present situation,

That was, you know, why I have Sessions

To tend to my legal fluctuation.

 

I’m not being an object of investigation

By anyone it’s just getting in the way 

Of letting me do whatever I want 

For the American people

Who elected me by many millions no matter what they say.

 

 

STABLE GENIUS 

 

I’m a very stable genius, 

Yes a very stable genius, 

A stable genius-type is what I am,

I’m a winner, not a loser,

Not an also-ran or loser,

I’m a curser and accuser — I’m The Man!

I’m a pussy-grabbing winner From my breakfast to my dinner,

I’m a Christian, not a sinner, yes I am!

I’m a very stable genius 

When it comes to hamburg menus,

I can down a burger any time at all,

In my bedroom, in the bathroom, 

all I need’s a bit of headroom, I can even eat a burger in the hall!

I’m a very stable genius 

When it comes to hamburg menus,

I’m a winner not a loser, that’s for sure!

I’m a pussy-grabbing Christian

And I’m on my biggest mission

To remain so from now on forevermore!

 

 

SHITHOLE NATIONS

 

Close the ports and airfields!

Close those border stations

And build that frigging wall!

We don’t want dusky maidens

And big black bruiser buggers

From all those shithole nations

Clogging up our sewers —

Send us some Norwegians,

Some Danes and Swedish blondes—

Send them here in legions,

We’ll accept them all!

But we don’t need no Cajuns

No half-breeds short or tall,

Eating up our rations,

No slime from shithole nations!

 

 

COLLUSION

 

There is no collusion,

There is no collusion,

There’s lots of confusion,

But there’s no collusion

With anyone Roossion —

That’s just an illusion.

There was no collusion,

Excuse my intrusion,

But there’s no collusion,

I’ll drink an infusion

If there was collusion —

Jump to no conclusion!

There was no collusion,

That’s just an illusion,

Fake news, a delusion!

There was no collusion,

There is no collusion.