Poetics and Ruminations

Miss Pussy's Parlor Songs, Part Twenty-nine

MISS PUSSY'S PARLOR SONGS

 

PART TWENTY-NINE

 

Donald Trump has more than lied;

Donald Trump is fit to be tried.

 

THE CATERWALL

 

Donald Trump, The President,

Did not know what "govern" 

                                        meant,

"I want my wall without dissent!"

He pouted in his discontent,

"Or I'll shut down my. 

                                government!"

 

CUT AND RUN

 

Cut and run, cut and run,

I think it would be so much fun

Just to quit, to cut and run

Without consulting anyone!

 

Cut and run, cut and run,

Declare a win, just say we won

And tell our allies that we're 

        done,

Then cut and run, cut and run!

 

OH SHUT UP

 

Government is shutting down, 

Shutting down, shutting down,

Government us shutting down -- 

Trump's a moron.

 

Build his wall with iron bars, 

Iron bars, iron bars, 

Build his wall with iron bars,

And his bullshit.

 

Merry Xmas everyone,

Everyone, everyone,

Merry Xmas everyone,

Happy New Year!

 

 

WALLFLOWER

 

The thing that I don't get at all

Is why Trump thinks he'll get his wall.

 

DONE

 

I'm gonna keep the government shut,

I'm gonna keep the government shut,

I'm gonna keep the government shut,

To prove that we don't need one!

 

I'm gonna prove I'm useless here,

I'm gonna prove I'm useless here,

I'm gonna prove I'm useless here,

And then I will have won!

 

AGAINST DONALD TRUMP

For Gail White

 

If I were in a crowd with Donald Trump

I would not care to have the bugger bump

Against me and remark, "Excuse you, please,"

Because by then I'd have a case of fleas

Compounded with a nasty nest of lice

And other pestilences not so nice,

As for example anthills filled with ticks

Plus several tapeworms filling out the mix.

I hope Trump does not hold things out against me,

For I would be disgusted most intensely!

How could those women crawl between the sheets

Even for thousands, hold him to their teats

And act as though they liked what he was doing?

(I doubt that one could even call it "screwing."

"Nailing" might be closer in intent,

"Impaling," though,is more like what I meant.

While he works just watch the girls grow paler

Working under Donald the Impaler.

 

EDEN

 

Everyone knows that Adam and 

     Eve

Lived in a leafy bower,

And who doesn't know that 

     Donald Trump

Wanted a Moscow Tower?

 

From MISS PUSSY'S PARLOR SONGS by Claudette McFang.  

 

 

Sent from my iPhone

Miss Pussy's Parlor Songs, Part Twenty-Three

 

PART TWENTY-THREE

 

CLINTON CONFESSES

 

"I've suffered historically

Incredibly much, don't you see --

It's not about Trump

Or that Monica lump...,

It's all about Me, Me, Me, Me!"

 

 

GOD BLESS THE PRESIDENT

 

God, bless the President, man that I love!

Stand behind me and hide me

From the flight of the kite up above!

 

When she mounts me saying prayers

With Melania in my home,

God bless the President when he starts to foam,

 

God bless me, Donald Trump, man that I love

With Melania in my home,

God bless the President, wherever I may roam,

God bless me, Donald Trump, however I may roam!

 

 

THE SECRET

 

I have a little secret,

Kim knows the secret too,

But we will keep our secret,

And we're not telling you!

 

 

BOTTLE-BABY SESSIONS

 

"The Bible says that 'Thou shalt strip

Children from their parents

If they trespass upon your land

Without the proper warrants.'"

 

So says the nation's moralist-

In-Chief Jeffrey Sessions.

"This must be done so they may learn

Life's most important leshions...

Er, lessons."

 

 

THE WALL

 

I need to get my Border Wall --

That's what I want, and that's why all 

Those brats in Texas are in jail:

The Democrats want me to fail

And won't sign on to keep scum out!

I'll win this one without a doubt.

 

 

CIVILITY

 

"Let's be civil,

You son-of-a-bitch!"

Says our President,

Scratching his itch.

 

 

From MISS PUSSY'S PARLOR SONGS by Claudette McFang.

Miss Pussy's Parlor Songs, Part 22

PART TWENTY-TWO

 

PLAYMATES

 

I don't want to play in your yard,

You're just too darn mean to me.

I may take the fifth amendment,

You'll just haft-a wait and see.

 

There is no collusion, nossir,

No collusion anywhere,

No collusion with the Russians,

No collusion here and there!

 

I don't know a Stormy Pornstar,

Nor a Stormy Weather either,

If my lawyer paid her money

You should ask was he beneath her!

 

Or you might ask Giuliani,

He should know I would suppose--

He knows stuff I never heard of

Spoken in confusing prose.

 

There's a guy that I admire!

He says what? That I paid back

To my lawyer Stormy's payoff?

Fire him that Guinea whack!

 

 

I RAN CONTRA

 

I ran Contra to Obama

Who was born in darkest Chad,

Not Chicago or Hawai'i,

To a mixed-up mom and dad.

 

I ran Contra to the Clintons:

I beat Hillary really bad

Though she got three million more votes

Than I guess I ever had.

 

Now I get to undo all the

Stuff they did that made them glad....

No collusion! Much confusion!

Wind up Mueller! Sad! So sad!

 

 

DONNY TRUMPKIN

 

Donny Trumpkin, soup on his fly, 

Kissed the porn star and made her sigh.

She said when she had cashed her check,

"I'll talk about it...what the heck."

 

 

INNOCENCE  

 

Does Donald know the meaning of innocence?

In no sense.

 

 

APOLOGY

 

"The dizzy Disney CEO

Did not apologize to me

For all the nasty stuff they said

About me on their ABC,"

 

Said Donald when his fan Roseanne

Dropped racist turds upon an aide

Who worked for our last President,

But for the nasty cracks he made

 

About the Bureau and everyone

In DC that he could despise,

Did Donald Trump take back a tweet

Or look like he'd apologize

 

To an American or Haitian 

Or anyone from a shithouse nation?

 

 

TRUMPARDONS

 

Are you a crooked pal of mine?

I'll pardon you, dear Valentine.

 

 

PARDON ME

 

"I have the right to pardon me

(Though I cannot say 'Pardon me,'

Even when I sneeze or fart --

It's simply not a part of me)."

 

 

From MISS PUSSY'S PARLOR SONGS by Claudette McFang.

Miss Pussy's Parlor Songs, Part Twenty-One, by Claudette McFang

 

PART TWENTY-ONE

 

FIRE, FIRE

 

"Fire, fire! I am a liar!

I am just kidding! My fly is dryer

Now that I've pissed on those I could hire,

Browbeat, batter, drag through the mire

And, as on teevee, fire! Fire!"

 

 

BOLTON

 

Is revolting --

I feel like bolting.

 

 

TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP

In my pup-tent here I lie

Thinking, Donald dear, of you,
And your White and slave-built House so far away,
But these tears that fill my eyes

Are attracting lots of flies
Though I try to teach my comrades to be gay.

Chorus:

TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP, the boys are marching,

Worry, Wetbacks, here we come,
And beneath our Starry Flag
We shall breathe the air again
In the genocidal land that we call home.

 

 

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

 

Didn't Georgie Boy say that?

He had a sign when he arrived 

board the ship in uniform

To remind us how he had contrived

To avoid war service in the reserves

To achieve the glory he deserves.

 

At least The Donald didn't wear

The uniform of the private school

That he attended before his hair

Turned orange so that he'd look cool

In the fruit trees of the Caribbean --

He just repeated what he had seen,

 

So now he too can be a hero

Since he, like Bush, has accomplished zero.

 

 

THE GANG

 

Trump has a thumb up his rump;

Cohen is gnawing on a bone;

Insanity, thy name is Hannity;

Comey, your mouth is foamy, but

Stormy Daniels takes on spaniels.

 

 

DONALD'S INSULTS

 

"That comic thinks insults are fine.

But the only good insults are mine!"

 

 

AGENT ORANGE

 

Donald Trump takes Agent Orange

To promote the growth of hair,

But he wants his pride to show,

So he shaves his nubbies bare.

 

SAD. VERY SAD

 

Trump now works with Giuliani.

Sad Rudy couldn't work with Ronny.

 

Miss Pussy's Parlor Songs, Part Nineteen

PART NINETEEN
THE GIFT OF BRAG
Donald said in a fib quite specious
But in manner not ferocious
Though exceedingly egregious.
LOYALTY
Would you enjoy it if you were on Trumpkin's list?
Friend of the President, ever a loyalist?
Then you must swear it is only his arse you've kissed,
Psychoproboscularanalizationist!
TRUMPLIST
I want a parade, the clomping of feet,
I want to beat off to a drum!
I want to see everyone stand
And nobody kneel, but cheer as I come.
That rat-a tat-tat, the blare of a horn —
That rat-a tat-tat — it’s better than porn!
The sight of a drill will give me a thrill,
I thrill at the skill of everything horny!
I want a parade with hobbling vets,
A line of cadets, an aging brigade,
I want a parade!
ALLIGATORS
"Guys are losing their positions
Just because of alligators!
Who can work in such conditions?
Women are such operators!
"Where's the proof? Just one black eye?
Ladies are such dirty traitors.
Her ass meant that pigs can fly --
So can crocs and alligators!
"I'm a man of real convictions,
Not just fake news husband haters
Making up hallucinations
Convicting on mere alligators."
WITS
"I must keep my wits about me
Now that Rosenstein has said
They've indicted Russian hackers...,
Oh, I mustn't lose my head
"Over this -- there's no collusion,
Just unwitting dupes in bed
With my good pal Vlad Rasputin
Who was once a Commie Red
"But is now a great Dictator
That I do not need to dread.
I don't have a witless henchman --
I guess most of those have fled
"Into Witless Protection Programs
For the politically inbred,
And at worst my closest sidekicks
Are just half-witted instead.
"Once again I'm vindicated!
All my worries have been shed!
I'm no crook like Richard Nixon
And there will be no bloodshed!"
COCK OF THE WALK
The Cock of the Walk sees his flocks
Being murdered by a rabid fox.
He keeps his comments nice and bland
And sticks his head into the sand.

The Sonnetarium

This book is now available from any bookseller

 

BODY PART 

(Listen to Lewis Turco read his poem, "Body Part.")

 

I offer you the same old gift again:

This ancient shriveled organ of my flesh

That we have used since who remembers when?

 

It’s shoddy now, but it was strong and fresh

When we were young. You held it in your hand

And felt its pulse when we had seed to thresh.

 

It throbbed for you and needed no command

To flame and ache when it was called upon

To do its duty, dilate and expand

 

To fill the evening or the breaking dawn,

The morn or afternoon with the lover’s art…,

So many years have passed now and have gone

 

To seed, so many organs have come apart --

Still, I offer you this same old heart.

 

By Lewis Turco

 

From The Sonnetarium, by Lewis Turco, New York: Bordighera Press (www.BordigheraPress.org ), VIA Folios 130, 2018. ISBN 978-1-59954-126-6, trade paperback. Available from any bookseller, on-line or off.

Miss Pussy's Parlor Songs, Part Seventeen

 

 

THE GREATEST

 

I lead the world’s most greatest nation,

And I have signed more legislation

Than any President before me

Because not signing bills would bore me,

That’s why my friends are all dumb clucks

And dorks, and I own herds of ducks —

I sign the bills of any birds

That Congress brings me from my herds.

 

 

WORRY WART

 

My list of worries never fades:

I fret about the chambermaids

In my hotels in the Everglades --

All Haitian immigrants have AIDS.

 

ISIS-fostered domestic raids

Worry me, the guy who wades

The Rio Grande and invades --

All Haitian immigrants have AIDS.

 

Those citizens sporting darker shades

Of skin, one who invades 

From Elsewhere, can’t get passing grades --

All Haitian immigrants have AIDS.

 

The foreign trader who wants fair trades,

Disloyal Oval Office aides --

I wish they all would go to Hades

Like Haitian immigrants with AIDS.

 

 

DIALOG

 

"Trump the chump, Trump the chump --

He has committed treason."

 

"Manafort, Manafort

Has lost his job and reason!"

 

"Trump has met with Russian spies!

We should lance his boil!"

 

"Manafort's the pig that flies --

Man, is he disloyal!"

 

"Chain Trump up, lock him down,

Throw away the key!"

 

"Manafort's an evil clown,

He doesn't worry me."

 

 

TRUMPET CALL

 

I had a situation where I didn’t learn English,

But I had a remuneration where I was very smart,

So I became a genius as soon as I was born,

And then I taught my self how to fart.

 

There was a class that I had to read a page,

So that was way beneath my present situation,

That was, you know, why I have Sessions

To tend to my legal fluctuation.

 

I’m not being an object of investigation

By anyone it’s just getting in the way 

Of letting me do whatever I want 

For the American people

Who elected me by many millions no matter what they say.

 

 

STABLE GENIUS 

 

I’m a very stable genius, 

Yes a very stable genius, 

A stable genius-type is what I am,

I’m a winner, not a loser,

Not an also-ran or loser,

I’m a curser and accuser — I’m The Man!

I’m a pussy-grabbing winner From my breakfast to my dinner,

I’m a Christian, not a sinner, yes I am!

I’m a very stable genius 

When it comes to hamburg menus,

I can down a burger any time at all,

In my bedroom, in the bathroom, 

all I need’s a bit of headroom, I can even eat a burger in the hall!

I’m a very stable genius 

When it comes to hamburg menus,

I’m a winner not a loser, that’s for sure!

I’m a pussy-grabbing Christian

And I’m on my biggest mission

To remain so from now on forevermore!

 

 

SHITHOLE NATIONS

 

Close the ports and airfields!

Close those border stations

And build that frigging wall!

We don’t want dusky maidens

And big black bruiser buggers

From all those shithole nations

Clogging up our sewers —

Send us some Norwegians,

Some Danes and Swedish blondes—

Send them here in legions,

We’ll accept them all!

But we don’t need no Cajuns

No half-breeds short or tall,

Eating up our rations,

No slime from shithole nations!

 

 

COLLUSION

 

There is no collusion,

There is no collusion,

There’s lots of confusion,

But there’s no collusion

With anyone Roossion —

That’s just an illusion.

There was no collusion,

Excuse my intrusion,

But there’s no collusion,

I’ll drink an infusion

If there was collusion —

Jump to no conclusion!

There was no collusion,

That’s just an illusion,

Fake news, a delusion!

There was no collusion,

There is no collusion.

 

 

 

Miss Pussy's Parlor Songs, Part Sixteen

 

 

XMAS TAX

 

Xmas is coming,

The rich are getting fat,

Please put a dollar

In Donald Trump’s hat;

If you haven’t got a dollar

A billion ought to do —

If you do not have a billion,

Well boo-hoo-hoo,

How sad for you!

 

 

WHENCE

 

Whence cometh Melania?

Is it from Albania?

No, from someplace greenier --

A valley in Slovenia!

Is Donald Trump her senior?

Yes, and he's much meanier.

 

 

THE AXE

 

Axe me no questions

And I'll tell you lies:

We're cutting your taxes

And, quick as time flies,

Your tax cuts expire,

But not those we gave

To the big corporations,

And that's why we rave.

You get what you pay for,

So you're getting nothing,

No roads, rails or bridges,

And that's really something

To put in the books

For following ages --

Local taxes go up

And down go your wages!

Merry Xmas, dear neighbor,

Happy New Year, you chump!

Get up on your roof, and

Get ready to jump!

 

 

CHALOO, CHALLAY!

 

Chaloo challay,

It’s Xmas Day,

And Donald Trump

Says we can say

“Merry Christmas”

once again —

Oh, Happy Day,

Chaloo challay

Donnie Trump

Says it’s okay!

He makes me feel

So goddam gay!

 

From MISS PUSSY'S PARLOR SONGS by Claudette McFang.

 

 

KUDOS FOR CLAUDETTE

 

Claudette McFang has passed the test:

this pussycat can say it best!

Congress, the White House, the boudoir—

Claudette knows where the stories are

and tells them as they should be told.

Her facts are right, her lingo’s bold,

and she defends the righteous cause

with sharp and deadly verbal claws!

 

Rhina P. Espaillat

The Sonnetarium

 

THE XMAS BLUES

 

It’s Christmas Eve down at the Cabaret.

The combo’s swinging at the Cabaret—

Some of the dancers are in disarray.

 

We’re waiting for Santa to come jiving by,

Jiving along as he comes juking by,

Ringing his bells and flying kind of high.

 

Jerry whacks the keys, George bops the vibes,

Hugh hoots his horn while George raps on the vibes

And here and there a customer imbibes

 

A cup of nog or a glass of scuppernong,

A mug of yuletide cheer or some scuppernong To help

him listen to the Turk’s torchsong.

 

The band is wailing and Santa’s overdue.

He’s sporting red, but he’ll be swinging blue.

 

The Sonnetarium (Via Folios)

Mar 13, 2018

by Lewis Turco

Paperback

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Miss Pussy's Parlor Songs, Part Ten

BUMP AND TRUMP

 

Philip Bump and Donald Trump

Fell together in the D.C. dump.

The Washington Post had Philip Bump

Write sad tales about President Trump.

Together they made udp quite a clump

Of gunk that resembled Forrest Gump

Suckling on an obstructed sump.

Donald just had to get over the hump

Caused by the Tweets he continued to pump

Out of his iPhone lump after lump,

But that will not be -- he'll fall on his rump

Which is not, alas! all that plump.

Farewell, farewell, President Trump!

Enjoy your slide, delight in the slump

Reported by Nemesis Philip Bump.

 

 

MY CABINET

 

"I don't want poor people

In my Cabinet,

I just want rich people

Who drink Cabernet."

 

 

BLEEDER

 

"That cow that works for 'Morning Joe,'

Mika, is the biggest bitch I know.

The fact that she knows how to bleed

Is more information than I need.

She likes to call me coward, bully,

So I will punch her in the pussy

To prove I'm stronger than her dad

Who died not long ago -- how sad!

I'm gonna go dance on his grave

To prove I'm big and broad and brave

And stronger than his puny daughter,

The cow I'm gonna love to slaughter."

 

 

TRUMP BE NIMBLE

 

Trump be nimble,

Trump be quick,

Wrestle the media

And make us sick.

 

 

SITTING IN

 

My name's Ivanka Trump.

I'm sitting in for daddy

With all the other leaders,

Like Tiger Woods's caddy.

 

Although I'm not elected,

Before you start to boo it,

Remember: anybody,

Just about, could do it.   

 

All I need do is listen --

I do not need to know it,

Whatever "it" may be.

My dad would surely blow it...,

 

He cannot keep his mouth shut

Although his brain is empty,

But saying something stupid

Doesn't even tempt me.

 

 

TRUMPOSITY

 

The art of the deal?

Learn to steal.

 

 

LULLABY

 

Tell-a-tell-a-tall-one,

Tell-a-tell-lie,

Tell-a-tell-a-tall-one,

Hush now, don't you cry.

Tell-a-tell-a-tall-one,

Tell-a-tell-lie,

Tell-a-tell-a-tall-one,

That's a Trumpish lullaby.

 

Up in New York City,

Many years ago,

His mother sang a song to him

In tones so soft and low --
Just a simple little ditty

In her good old frumpish way,

And he'd give a dime if he could hear

That song of hers today:

Tell-a-tell-a-tall-one,

Tell-a-tell-lie,

Tell-a-tell-a-tall-one,

Hush now, don't you cry.

Tell-a-tell-a-tall-one,

Tell-a-tell-lie,

Tell-a-tell-a-tall-one,

That's a Trumpish lullaby!

 

 

TWEETYBIRD

 

Donald Junior will be heard --

He's turned into a Tweety-Bird.

He's learned a lot from his third-rate

Father whom he used to hate

While he lived with his sweet Mommy,

Donald Senior's first divorcee.

He joined dear Daddy's strange campaign,

Met with Russians, did not disdain

To keep a record of whom he Tweeted

Until the enemy was defeated,

And now that Daddy's in the hotseat

Junior's shown us every Tweet,

Paved the road to incarceration

For the leader of our nation.

Thank you, Junior Tweetybird!

We used to think you were absurd!

 

From MISS PUSSY'S PARLOR SONGS by Claudette McFang.