Poetics and Ruminations

Miss Pussy's Parlor Songs, Part Twenty-nine

MISS PUSSY'S PARLOR SONGS

 

PART TWENTY-NINE

 

Donald Trump has more than lied;

Donald Trump is fit to be tried.

 

THE CATERWALL

 

Donald Trump, The President,

Did not know what "govern" 

                                        meant,

"I want my wall without dissent!"

He pouted in his discontent,

"Or I'll shut down my. 

                                government!"

 

CUT AND RUN

 

Cut and run, cut and run,

I think it would be so much fun

Just to quit, to cut and run

Without consulting anyone!

 

Cut and run, cut and run,

Declare a win, just say we won

And tell our allies that we're 

        done,

Then cut and run, cut and run!

 

OH SHUT UP

 

Government is shutting down, 

Shutting down, shutting down,

Government us shutting down -- 

Trump's a moron.

 

Build his wall with iron bars, 

Iron bars, iron bars, 

Build his wall with iron bars,

And his bullshit.

 

Merry Xmas everyone,

Everyone, everyone,

Merry Xmas everyone,

Happy New Year!

 

 

WALLFLOWER

 

The thing that I don't get at all

Is why Trump thinks he'll get his wall.

 

DONE

 

I'm gonna keep the government shut,

I'm gonna keep the government shut,

I'm gonna keep the government shut,

To prove that we don't need one!

 

I'm gonna prove I'm useless here,

I'm gonna prove I'm useless here,

I'm gonna prove I'm useless here,

And then I will have won!

 

AGAINST DONALD TRUMP

For Gail White

 

If I were in a crowd with Donald Trump

I would not care to have the bugger bump

Against me and remark, "Excuse you, please,"

Because by then I'd have a case of fleas

Compounded with a nasty nest of lice

And other pestilences not so nice,

As for example anthills filled with ticks

Plus several tapeworms filling out the mix.

I hope Trump does not hold things out against me,

For I would be disgusted most intensely!

How could those women crawl between the sheets

Even for thousands, hold him to their teats

And act as though they liked what he was doing?

(I doubt that one could even call it "screwing."

"Nailing" might be closer in intent,

"Impaling," though,is more like what I meant.

While he works just watch the girls grow paler

Working under Donald the Impaler.

 

EDEN

 

Everyone knows that Adam and 

     Eve

Lived in a leafy bower,

And who doesn't know that 

     Donald Trump

Wanted a Moscow Tower?

 

From MISS PUSSY'S PARLOR SONGS by Claudette McFang.  

 

 

Sent from my iPhone

Miss Pussy's Parlor Songs, Part Twenty-Four

PART TWENTY-FOUR

 

VISITATION

 

"The boss of Russia's not Rasputin!

I'll visit, not embarrass, Putin,

I do not plan to harass Putin

'cuz he's my pal -- there's no disputin'

I'm as wacko as Rasputin,

And that is just as sure as shootin'!"

 

 

TWIT TWITTERING

 

Donald Trump

Thinks with his rump

And loves to Twitter

With his shitter.

 

 

COILLUSION

 

Donald and Rudy 

Are both being moody --

In the latter's confusion 

He says that "collusion

Is no kind of crime!"

Don says, "About time

We pointed that out!"

But Rudy's a lout,

For Oxford's rendition

Of the true definition

Of "collusion" is "Secret or illegal cooperation or conspiracy in order to deceive others...." 

So Trump is a fool,

And Rudy's his tool.

 

 

TRUTH

 

"The truth is not the truth,"

Says Giudy Ruliani,

"My name is not my name,"

Cries Rudy Giuliani.

 

"My nose is not my nose,"

Says Trump's finest attorney,

"His ass smells like a rose

Supine upon a gurney

 

"As Don's rolled down the hall,"

Asserts the spaghetti lawyer,

"To have my nose removed --

I guess they'll need a sawyer

 

"To saw my wooden nose

Off there right at the crack line

Just below the spot

Where most folks have a spine,

 

"Which Donny claims he's got,

But who can tell what's true?

I don't think it is I (me?) --

It's certainly not you!"

 

 

CONVICTIONS

 

Fake news witch-hunt! No collusion!

I won't tolerate restrictions!

You're just stirring up confusion!

I'm a man of great convictions!

 

Sessions fails me with recusion!

Russians screw up our elections!

I can't even get my shoes on

Before I don my new convictions!

 

Manafort -- merely illusions!

Cohen is inventing fictions!

Stab wounds are more than contusions!

I have multiple convictions!

 

 

TRUMP LOSES PECKER

 

"Oh, no! Not Pecker too!

I may have been too cocky!

Flipping should be illegal!

This bed is feeling rocky!

 

"He used to be my friend!

He spiked that woman's story

By buying it, not to publish,

But own its rights to bury

 

"While I was running hard,

Trying for the erection 

Of a college of Electors

That would swing the big election.

 

Now Pecker's gonna soften,

Confirm that female's tale,

And I'll be hoist on my petard

In substance and detail!"

Miss Pussy's Parlor Songs, Part Twenty-Three

 

PART TWENTY-THREE

 

CLINTON CONFESSES

 

"I've suffered historically

Incredibly much, don't you see --

It's not about Trump

Or that Monica lump...,

It's all about Me, Me, Me, Me!"

 

 

GOD BLESS THE PRESIDENT

 

God, bless the President, man that I love!

Stand behind me and hide me

From the flight of the kite up above!

 

When she mounts me saying prayers

With Melania in my home,

God bless the President when he starts to foam,

 

God bless me, Donald Trump, man that I love

With Melania in my home,

God bless the President, wherever I may roam,

God bless me, Donald Trump, however I may roam!

 

 

THE SECRET

 

I have a little secret,

Kim knows the secret too,

But we will keep our secret,

And we're not telling you!

 

 

BOTTLE-BABY SESSIONS

 

"The Bible says that 'Thou shalt strip

Children from their parents

If they trespass upon your land

Without the proper warrants.'"

 

So says the nation's moralist-

In-Chief Jeffrey Sessions.

"This must be done so they may learn

Life's most important leshions...

Er, lessons."

 

 

THE WALL

 

I need to get my Border Wall --

That's what I want, and that's why all 

Those brats in Texas are in jail:

The Democrats want me to fail

And won't sign on to keep scum out!

I'll win this one without a doubt.

 

 

CIVILITY

 

"Let's be civil,

You son-of-a-bitch!"

Says our President,

Scratching his itch.

 

 

From MISS PUSSY'S PARLOR SONGS by Claudette McFang.

Miss Pussy's Parlor Songs, Part 22

PART TWENTY-TWO

 

PLAYMATES

 

I don't want to play in your yard,

You're just too darn mean to me.

I may take the fifth amendment,

You'll just haft-a wait and see.

 

There is no collusion, nossir,

No collusion anywhere,

No collusion with the Russians,

No collusion here and there!

 

I don't know a Stormy Pornstar,

Nor a Stormy Weather either,

If my lawyer paid her money

You should ask was he beneath her!

 

Or you might ask Giuliani,

He should know I would suppose--

He knows stuff I never heard of

Spoken in confusing prose.

 

There's a guy that I admire!

He says what? That I paid back

To my lawyer Stormy's payoff?

Fire him that Guinea whack!

 

 

I RAN CONTRA

 

I ran Contra to Obama

Who was born in darkest Chad,

Not Chicago or Hawai'i,

To a mixed-up mom and dad.

 

I ran Contra to the Clintons:

I beat Hillary really bad

Though she got three million more votes

Than I guess I ever had.

 

Now I get to undo all the

Stuff they did that made them glad....

No collusion! Much confusion!

Wind up Mueller! Sad! So sad!

 

 

DONNY TRUMPKIN

 

Donny Trumpkin, soup on his fly, 

Kissed the porn star and made her sigh.

She said when she had cashed her check,

"I'll talk about it...what the heck."

 

 

INNOCENCE  

 

Does Donald know the meaning of innocence?

In no sense.

 

 

APOLOGY

 

"The dizzy Disney CEO

Did not apologize to me

For all the nasty stuff they said

About me on their ABC,"

 

Said Donald when his fan Roseanne

Dropped racist turds upon an aide

Who worked for our last President,

But for the nasty cracks he made

 

About the Bureau and everyone

In DC that he could despise,

Did Donald Trump take back a tweet

Or look like he'd apologize

 

To an American or Haitian 

Or anyone from a shithouse nation?

 

 

TRUMPARDONS

 

Are you a crooked pal of mine?

I'll pardon you, dear Valentine.

 

 

PARDON ME

 

"I have the right to pardon me

(Though I cannot say 'Pardon me,'

Even when I sneeze or fart --

It's simply not a part of me)."

 

 

From MISS PUSSY'S PARLOR SONGS by Claudette McFang.

Birthday of THE BOOK OF FORMS

Fifty (50) years ago, on 19 April 1968, I wrote in my journal, "The Book of Forms has arrived! It has the most incredible art nouveau cover." The Book of Forms: A Handbook of Poetics, first edition, by Lewis Turco, New York, NY: E. P. Dutton, 1968. Paperback original.

The New Book of Forms, A Handbook of Poetics (second edition of The Book of Forms), Hanover: University Press of New England, 1986 (www.UPNE.com),  ISBN 0874513804, cloth; 0874513812, paper.

The Book of Forms: A Handbook of Poetics, Third Edition, Hanover: University Press of New England, 2000. ISBN 1584650419, cloth; ISBN 1584650222, paper. A companion volume to The Book of Dialogue and The Book of Literary Terms. “The Poet’s Bible."

The Book of Forms: A Handbook of Poetics, Including Odd and Invented Forms, Revised and Expanded Edition by Lewis Putnam Turco, Hanover, NH: University Press of New England (www.UPNE.com) , 2012 • 384 pp. 3 illus. 5 x 7 1/2" Reference & Bibliography / Poetry 978-1-61168-035-5, paperback.

Companion volumes:

The Book of Literary Terms: The Genres of Fiction, Drama, Nonfiction, Literary Criticism, and Scholarship, Hanover: University Press of New England (www.UPNE.com), 1999. ISBN 0874519543, cloth; ISBN 0-874519-55-1, paper. A companion volume to The Book of Dialogue and The Book of Forms. A Choice  “Outstanding academic title” for 2000.

The Book of Dialogue: How to Write Effective Conversation in Fiction, Screenplays, Drama, and Poetry by Lewis Turco, Hanover: University Press of New England, (www.UPNE.com), 2004. ISBN 1-584653-61-2, paper. A companion volume to The Book of Forms and The Book of Literary Terms.

Miss Pussy's Parlor Songs, Part Twenty

ARMS AND THE TRUMP

(With apologies to Robert Browning)

 

Boot, saddle, to horse and away!

Arm the teachers! Start shooting today --

No time to reason, no time to pray!

 

(Chorus) "Boot, saddle, to horse, and away!" 

 

Shoot up the the suburbs, asleep as you'd say; 

Many's the shooter will not get away

Good luck to teachers who enter the fray!

 

(Chorus) "Boot, saddle, to horse, and away!" 

 

Forty rounds fired, but none go astray!

Those teachers are deadly in their own way

Even though some of them must be gay!

 

(Chorus) "Boot, saddle, to horse, and away!" 

 

School boards will have to lower their pay

To purchase those guns, but heck, what the hey!

Teachers can work in the summer, can't they?

 

(Chorus) "Boot, saddle, to horse, and away!"

 

 

HERO WITH BONE SPURS

 

Even if i had no gun

I'd have run inside,

Even if the doors were locked

I'd bust them open wide

 

And tackle that young murderer

With his automatic gun,

Knock him to the high school      

     floor --

A face-off, one-on-one!

 

I wouldn't stand outside the 

     school

Listening to shots

Like that coward of a cop --

I hope to Hell he rots.

 

We need heroes who can act,

Not creeps who brag a lot.

We need men like those who

     lived

In Arthur's Camelot.

 

 

HOPE SOMETIME HICKS

 

What has happened tp Hope Hicks?

She hung around and took her licks, 

But now she's headed for the sticks

To deal with black flies and with ticks.

 

 

ROBIN

 

"I steal from the rich and give to the poor,"

Says the outlaw Robin Hood.

"I do the opposite," says Donald Trump,

"And trade wars are always good."

 

 

HUSHABYE

 

HIs lawyer bribed the porn star on his own,

Was never reimbursed by Donald Trump,

Was never thrown a scrap of rind or bone --

He simply tossed his money in the dump.

Do you believe such an egregious lie?

Alas, my friend, alack! Neither do I.

 

 

HEADS OF STATE

 

Orange Head and Mushroom Head

Both were ping- pong freaks;

They learned of this phenomenon

By reading "Wikileaks,"

Therefore they thought they'd play a game

And end their wordy fray

Before they got too old and tame

And could no longer play:

PYONGYANG!

 

So back and forth the white ball went --

They volleyed till, at last,

These noble heads of State were spent

And each was in a cast.

Then each one took a final shot

And could no longer play:

They heard their final ricochet --

PYONGYANG!

 

 

TRADE

 

Mrs. Trump didn't kill her son,

She fed him lots of mayo,

So now he's fired Tillerson

And traded him for Pompeo.

 

From MISS PUSSY'S PARLOR SONGS by Claudette McFang.

 

Miss Pussy's Parlor Songs, Part Nineteen

PART NINETEEN
THE GIFT OF BRAG
Donald said in a fib quite specious
But in manner not ferocious
Though exceedingly egregious.
LOYALTY
Would you enjoy it if you were on Trumpkin's list?
Friend of the President, ever a loyalist?
Then you must swear it is only his arse you've kissed,
Psychoproboscularanalizationist!
TRUMPLIST
I want a parade, the clomping of feet,
I want to beat off to a drum!
I want to see everyone stand
And nobody kneel, but cheer as I come.
That rat-a tat-tat, the blare of a horn —
That rat-a tat-tat — it’s better than porn!
The sight of a drill will give me a thrill,
I thrill at the skill of everything horny!
I want a parade with hobbling vets,
A line of cadets, an aging brigade,
I want a parade!
ALLIGATORS
"Guys are losing their positions
Just because of alligators!
Who can work in such conditions?
Women are such operators!
"Where's the proof? Just one black eye?
Ladies are such dirty traitors.
Her ass meant that pigs can fly --
So can crocs and alligators!
"I'm a man of real convictions,
Not just fake news husband haters
Making up hallucinations
Convicting on mere alligators."
WITS
"I must keep my wits about me
Now that Rosenstein has said
They've indicted Russian hackers...,
Oh, I mustn't lose my head
"Over this -- there's no collusion,
Just unwitting dupes in bed
With my good pal Vlad Rasputin
Who was once a Commie Red
"But is now a great Dictator
That I do not need to dread.
I don't have a witless henchman --
I guess most of those have fled
"Into Witless Protection Programs
For the politically inbred,
And at worst my closest sidekicks
Are just half-witted instead.
"Once again I'm vindicated!
All my worries have been shed!
I'm no crook like Richard Nixon
And there will be no bloodshed!"
COCK OF THE WALK
The Cock of the Walk sees his flocks
Being murdered by a rabid fox.
He keeps his comments nice and bland
And sticks his head into the sand.

Miss Pussy's Parlor Songs, Part Fourteen

 

 

DONNY IN FIRST GRADE

 

I have a big eraser

In my puffy little hand,

I wish it was a phaser --

I think that would be grand!

 

I'd stand beside a blackboard

With her talky chalky writing,

And I would show my teacher

How, instead of fighting

 

With my meanie classmates,

I'd totally destroy them

With death-rays from my ray gun --

And then I'd chew some boy gum

 

And stick it on the chair-seat

Belonging to my teacher

So she would add it to her skirt

As a stylish teacher feature!

 

 

LOAFING

 

You Puerto Ricans who aren't dead, 

Here's a loaf or two of bread...,

Catch!

 

 

A CORKER

 

My pal's Bob Corker,

He's no New Yorker,

He beats up Donald Trump

And won't crack a smile.

He strips the White House bare,

Says it's "adult day care,"

He thinks The Donald's Forrest Gump.

 

 

IN RE PENCE

 

Let me say a word re Pence:

Perhaps he is a little dense,

But he won't straddle any fence.

When Donald Trump says, "Get thee hence --

If any of those linemen kneel,

Show everybody how you feel

About Our Flag. Make a big deal

And just walk out! We can repeal 

The First Amendment if we make

A monstrous fuss -- a piece of cake!

Tell NFL, 'Jump in the lake,

The news we're making isn't fake...,'

Well, not so much, in any case,

It's all about True Blue, not race

Or tossing goodies to our base

And putting liberals in their place.

Go forth, then, Michael! Common sense

Be damned! Our troops must be intense!

No Hero of the Folk repents!"

Saith Donald Trumpkin in re Pence.

 

 

IQ

 

You say that I’m a moron

And that I have no IQ?

OK, you’re in my cabinet,

But I no longer like you.

 

You may as well go home,

You’re dead at any rate,

I will not listen to you —

Screw the affairs of State.

 

 

THE LIARS CLUB

 

“‘I’m sorry that your husband’s dead,

But he knew what he signed up for.’

That’s what Trump told me,” the widow said.

“Fake news!” He hollered with a roar.

“She’s a liar! They all are!

All those people in that car!”

 

 

NEWS IN GENERAL

 

I am the very model of a modern four-star General,

Except that now I work for Trump I can say things political.

In my opinion Trump can spout things absolutely cynical

To widows of the Fallen -- he can even be quite whimsical

Because he has a sense of humor I would say is typical

Of one who has no common sense but loves to wax, well, critical

In circumstances other folk might understand were pitiful

And didn't call for filling up the Internet with phony news

Or tweets and comments caused by drinking vats and bathtubs full of booze.

 

My name is John F. Kelly, you don't tell four stars what they can do!

I'm Chief-of-Staff to Donald Trump, I'm second to a cockatoo --

I stand up on this dung heap to defend the Flag, Red, White and Blue!

I never sweat, disdain to pee, nor do I ever caca too,

But I stand here defending Trump and crying, "Cock-a-doodle-doo!"

 

From MISS PUSSY'S PARLOR SONGS by Claudette McFang

Miss Pussy's Parlor Songs, Part Five

PART FIVE

 

Palin waved to Putin from her porch,

She called to him over the Bering Sea,

"Donald will be sending you the torch

That once was held by our Miss Liberty!” 

"Da," Putin said.

 

 

CINNABON MAN

 

Oh, Cinnabon, who is gonna ice you?

Oh, Cinnabon, who is gonna ice you?

Oh, Cinnabon, who is gonna ice you, all in a day?

 

Run to the moon, "Moon, won't you ice me?"

Run to the sea, "Sea, won't you ice me?"

Run to the sun, "Sun, won't you ice me, all in a day?"

 

Trump said, "Cinnabon, moon'll be a-bleeding."

Trump said, "Cinnabon, sea'll be a-sinking."

Trump said, "Cinnabon, sun'll be a-freezing, all in a day."

 

Oh, Donald Trumpkin, won't you stop your lyin'?

Oh, Donald Trumpkin, won't you stop your lyin'?

Oh, Donald Trumpkin, won't you stop your lyin' just for a day?

 

Trump said, "No, because I am a lion."

Trump said, "No, because I am a lion."

Trump said, "No, because I am a lion roarin' every day."

 

Oh, Donald Trumpkin, where can I run to?

Oh, Donald Trumpkin, where can I run to?

Oh, Donald Trumpkin, where can I run to every single day?

 

"No use a-runnin' -- you already voted."

"No use a-runnin' -- you already voted."

"No use a-runnin' -- you already voted, all in a day."

 

 

Pussy-cat, pussy-cat, have you come back?

"I've been to Sweden to see the attack!"

Pussy-cat, pussy-cat, were terrorists there?

"Only poor Trumpkin under a chair."

 

 

It's a long way across the border,

it's a long way to go.

It's a long way across the border,

But Donald Trump says, "Blow!"

 

Farewell to all that's decent,

Back to poverty --

It's a long way across the border,

Back to what I tried to flee.

 

 

Do you have a peepee?

Nono, not the girls' room.

Do you have a pussy?

Nono, not the boys' room.

Peepee in the boys' room,

Piddle in the girls' room,

Do them both -- piddle or crap

Sitting in Donnie Trumpkin's lap.

 

 

Rumpletrumpkin says, "I'll choose

Which media may hear my news:

Not those that may be run by Jews

Like The Times that may abuse

My fake stories -- those amuse

My supporters who don't accuse

Me of holding such stupid views."

 

 

ATTORNEY GENERAL

 

Did Jeff Sessions

Talk to the Russians?

He says he didn't, but the answer is "Yes."

Shouldn't the law

Stick in his craw?

Of course, but instead he's making a mess.

 

His new recusal

Is now an accusal

But Trump's still patting his lawyer's back.

Trumpkin's attorney

Will soon take a journey --

Hopefully both will enjoy Session's sack.

 

From MISS PUSSY'S PARLOR SONGS by Claudette McFang.

Miss Pussy's Parlor Songs, Part Four

 

MISS PUSSY'S PARLOR SONGS, PART FOUR

 

IN A MONSTROUS INAUGARTION

(Rewritten by Claudette McFang after Albert W. Ketelbey's "In a Monastery Garden"

and inspired by a Facebook typo for "inauguration".)

 

Through the murky twilight falling

Emails from afar are calling

And appalling all the weary

As attendees can attest.

 

The Washington Monument is reeling,

And Republicans are stealing

While Democrats appeal for mercy --

None are obliged, and none are blessed.

 

We rove about in a darkling land

That once seemed merely dull and bland.

I hear a voice that seems to tell me

The White House has a scary guest.

 

Joy won't come again with morning,

Not with these dark storm clouds forming

Now Donald Trump's the turtle dove

Replacing what had been our best.

 

 

Pussy-cat, pussy-cat, where have you been?

"Checking the scene at Bowling Green."

Pussy-cat, pussy-cat, what did you there?

"Looked for the Massacre -- everywhere."

Pussy-cat, pussy-cat, what did you find?

"I found that Kellyanne's out of her mind."

 

 

We have a crooked President who has a crooked smile --

He found a crooked judge, he thinks, who doesn't like his style.

He tweeted, "What a dirty rat, the countermanding louse!"

And went on fuming in his White and quite disgusting House.

 

 

A Trump came trumpeting out of his Tower

With pussies galore to show off his power.

He could sing nothing but, "Hey, look at me!

I am the greatest...ass you'll ever see!"

 

 

The Trump administration thinks that they're entrepreneurs,

But that's not true, of course, because they're strictly amateurs

Excepting when they turn themselves into self-saboteurs.

One wonders how this Cabinet's incompetence endures.

 

 

Little Don Trump

Sat in a hump

Eating his humble pie.

"California is out

Of control, and I'll pout,"

He said, "till I spit in their eye."j

 

 

"It's common sense!" Says Donald Trump

In phrases clipped and terse,

But he'd not recognize common sense

With two Pence in his purse.

 

 

"pOTUS" has a little pee,

His thoughts are in the drainer.

He means it when he does something

And says, "It's a no-brainer."

 

 

Trump, Trump, Trump, the gang is munching,

Cheer up, comrades they are dumb,

And beneath the starry flag they will soon eat crow again

In the freedom of our own beloved home.

 

 

COMPOSED IN THE SHOWER

 

What can we say about Flynn?

It's hard to know where to begin.

   He was man of the hour

   Before Trump was in power,

But now he is out and not in.

 

 

KELLYANNE'S PITCH

 

As Donald Trump's majorette minion,

It is my most humble opinion

Attacking his daughter's nice clothes

Is punching the President's nose.

So don't drop her line at the mall --

They haven't at Moscow's street stall

Because it's just fine. You should buy it --

I'm sure you'll agree if you try it.

 

From MISS PUSSY'S PARLOR SONGS by Claudette McFang.